Friday, December 30, 2005
Gamers “Four Horsemen, plus one” by Christopher Folino
My brother-in-law Henry who lives in Concord, CA spent the day with my family in Southern California yesterday and we started talking about how old the twins were, and it struck me that they’re five months old. I was blown away by how much time has passed, because, the boys were born the first day of production on “Gamers” July 28th.
Five months? Christ, we shot the main bulk of the movie in six days, took like a month to edit it. And now, we are spending three month just waiting for film festivals.
However, come March, the movie begins it’s journey for distribution regardless of any festival.
Serious, I'm so over having to gamble on football to pay these fucking "Studio film festivals" an entry fee.
I’ve spent a good deal of time talking about the famous actors in our movie, however, the heart and soul of our film is Dave Hanson, Scott Allen Rinker, Kevin Kirkpatrick, Joe Nieves, and Kevin Sherwood.
I’m proud to have made my first film with each of these talented actors, and I wish each of them great success in 2006. And mostly just success with the movie "Gamers!"
I wanted to share my impressions about each of the lead actors with you. I figure I can take a day off of bashing “Strawberry Shortcake”.
In early July 2006, Kevin Kirkpatrick, Scott Allen Rinker, and Dave Hanson all auditioned on the same day for the movie “Gamers”. Kevin and Scott both audtioned for the role of “Gordon” and Dave Hanson tried out for the part of “Paul”.
Kevin Kirkpatrick’s audition was amazing, he was so good at improve that we just kept giving him more scenes just to see what he could do with the character.
While Kirkpatrick was out studying a new scene, in walks Scott Allen Rinker, half man, half naked, but fully cocked. Okay, I’m just throwing shit in to make sure you’re still reading this blog.
So, out-of-the-gate, I’m watching Scott read the lines for Gordon and I’m like “Shit, this guys is “Paul!” He's just flat out a really great actor who can pull off the darker side of the character without over-acting. Scott, is blessed with a pair of eyes that are very expressive, which the camera loves. And he has a rack on him like no other man, I’ve ever seen! Again, that’s not true, just seeing if you’re still with me.
Well, we send Scott out to read some lines for Paul and we can Kevin Kirkpatrick back in and he nails another scene. Kirkpatrick just starts doing some improve at rehearsal that ended up in the movie, that’s how good he is.
Well, we send him out to study another scene with Paul's character with the intention of teaming Kirkpatrick and Rinker up together.
In walks Dave Hanson, and he reads for Paul character.
His delivery was so dry and funny that we knew he had to be in the movie. The “Reese”
Character had already been cast, however, a week before the shoot began, Dave Hanson stepped in and made the part his “own.” Like, Kirkpatrick, Hanson can do some amazing improve and the scene in the office is almost 100 percent improvised.
So at the audition, we paired Kevin Kirkpatrick and Scott Allen Rinker together in a scene and it clicked, these guys easily passed as two life long friends.
Kevin Sherwood has suffered twenty long years with me attempting to make a real movie., We started out in 1987 with a video movie called "Lance Amater: The story of a legend” It was about the perfect high school student from Bishop Amat and it was a great learning experience. That’s basically where the friendship with Merritt Hemenway was forged; he was the principal and was fully supportive of the entire project.
Kevin and I worked again on a video movie called “The Art of Crime” and it aired a lot on KELM, CABLE 3 in El Monte. Both those movies came in under forty minutes and took years to complete. However, it was an incredible learning experience that I never got from film school.
So, 2005 was the redemption year for Kevin Sherwood, we did two 35mm projects together in a three month span. The first was a two minute live-action military short for the video game Full Spectrum Warrior: Ten Hammers. Go to http://www.wackypuppy.com/robertoblasini/reel.html and click on the first video on the second row to see the trailer. We got to work with the crew from the movie “Jarhead” and we shot the whole thing in one day, 33 set-ups. It was the single greatest workday of my life.
And after that we got “Gamers” together and I just made sure Kevin Sherwood’s character had great lines and he basically took it from there by adding some amazing lyrics to the “Wake up Dick” song and doing a lot of improvisation that worked well for his character. I’ve never been prouder of the boy, he’s super funny in this movie.
Last but not least we picked Joe Nieves to play “Fernando.” He blew the rest of the people out-of-the-water who auditioned for that role. It’s just got funnier, because, when you look at Joe, he’s all jock and the guy did a fantastic job with his character. Of all the actors, it wasn’t until I was in the editing room, did I really appreciate or get the subtle changes he made to enhance the Fernando character.
So there you have it, the chosen “Five”, we wouldn’t have a movie without them. If you’re an agent reading this blog, first-off you have fine taste, second-off Dave Hanson and Kevin Sherwood need some representing! And a message to Kirkpatrick and Rinker’s agents, get off "your asses" and get those boys some work! And I think Joe's agent should get him some more film work!
So that is the story of the "Four Horsemen, plus one", soon you'll be able to own your own copy and I promise this blog will go away!
By the way thank you Henry for the visit, I’ve never met a person who could drink a tall mocha with three shots of expresso and still fall asleep, that was impressive!
posted @ 09:43 AM PDT [link] [Karma: 0 (+/-)]
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Thursday night of Ranting by Christopher Folino
We are shooting some new scenes this week, and here’s a kind of funny and pathetic production story about the troubles we’re having securing an elderly woman over the age of eighty who is willing to participate in a very “Non-PC” scene.
With no luck in finding a “Non-PC” elderly woman, I called the king of “Non-PC” Michael Bell who plays the narrator in our movie, and I was like “Hey Michael, do you know any old people who would appear in our movie for a quick scene that’s really offensive? It’s for a scene where Gordon is talking to Paul about how he’s been “zooming” for his public access job and I want to cut to an example of his “zooming” abilities and show an elderly woman picking the wining numbers on a Bingo Show for Public access.
I was about to get into the offensive material, when I noticed my wife and daughter are looking at me. So, somewhere my morality meter kicks in I start to talk in “code”, because, my daughter is only four and a half and I don’t want to her think dad’s a complete “ass-monkey”.
So, I continue on with Michael. “And the running gag in the film is that Gordon is a horrible camera operator. Gordon’s camera is all over the place, until he just racks focus on her chest and he holds onto the shot for 20 seconds. It’s sick, very uncomfortable, and very sick. However, I think it will work!”
I start laughing at just the though of this scene, and I look at my wife who has her head down in shames, and my daughter looks at me like I’m some evil troll who just poisoned Strawberry Shortcake’s main water supply.
And without missing a beat, Michael Bell replies, “I’ll ask my mom” Man, I love that guy.
Is it sad for me to hope that his eighty-year mother still has a little bit of cleavage?
I think Gordon fixating on the boobs of an eighty-year woman is the kind of scene that will get us on the Lifetime network or on the Sundance channel!
I do believe I’m going to hell for this movie and I’m sure I’ve destroyed relationships with relatives, my former high school principal and distributors.
Thank God my mother is dead, I’m not sure how I would of approached her to do the “bingo scene” if she was alive.
Going back to the topic of “Strawberry Shortcake”, did a really fat diabetic guy come up with this concept? Skinny kid’s running around deserts and cakes with no parental supervision?
The acting and the singing in this box set is really a “special form of entertainment that can’t be described with any one word ” The kid’s who sing and act in this crap, make Tiffany Brissette, who played Vicki the robot in “Small Wonder” look like she’s Meryl Streep.
By the way “Small Wonder” is ranked 4,767 on IMDB MOVIEmeter, now that’s a fucking crime. And Tiffany who hasn’t worked since 1990 is ranked 5,196 on the STARmeter. Nice to know somebody at IMDB is doing “coke” off the back of a cat and apparently watching “Small Wonder” reruns. That’s the only way you can keep this “Abortion of Entertainment” high in the mysterious IMDB rankings.
And the person who wrote these songs, I believe it’s Andy Street, who is ranked 331,583 on the IMDB STARmeter, must of spent all of like five minutes coming up with the lyrics and the rest of the time doing “blow” off the back of his cat. No, make that “cats!” Because, in order to write that “crap” he has to have like five cats! There is no other explanation for this monstrosity.
Also, another thing that has always bugged me is the trailer for “Brother Bear” –We own every Disney DVD, and on like five of the DVDs is a promo for “Brother Bear” and my problem is with the voice over talent and the way he emphasis the tagline “Brother…Bear!” Oh, it makes my ears bleed! His delivery is so fake and you know the poor bastard was just taking direction from some idiot voice casting director who was like “make me feel the magic”, “Yes, I want to hear you smile when you say “Brother Bear!” God damn, it is a crime against mankind.
Then again zooming on an eighty year old woman’s boobs and passing that off, as entertainment is very questionable. That idea can only come somebody whose doing coke off his cat’s ass for like three days straight.
posted @ 11:14 PM PDT [link] [Karma: 2 (+/-)]
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
BBC "The Office" and the "Chick Flick-Fuck Stick" name Bisch by Christopher Folino
I was up since 4AM this morning feeding one of the twin boys and I caught on Tivo the BBC show "The Office" and I was able to watch three half hour episodes and the final two-hour episode of the show over a full day span.
Fucking brilliant, it's is without a doubt, the best finale of any television show I've ever seen.
The American show is great and they lifted the characters straight from the BBC show and the love triangle between Dawn, the receptionist and Tim, the co-worker works fantastic. On the BBC show, Dawn is engaged to the jock guy who treats her like crap.
Prior to the season finale, Tim, the co-worker removes his mic and tells Dawn after learning she's going to the states for six months, how he truly feels about her and she rejects him.
The way they did it was so cool, you never hear what he says to her, it reminded me of my favorite moment on the TV show "Moonlighting" When Bruce Willis is standing outside Cybil Shepherd's house in the rain about to profess his love to her and Mark Harmon opens the door. Oh, those are the "fuck you" moments that make the shows real. Who hasn't been dumped in some horrible way?
"The Office" is great television and on the two hour finale, they pick up year or two later, where both Dawn and Tim meet-up again.
I won't spoil it, however, it was one of the best "love story" moments I've ever seen and it was "fucking brilliant" the way they resolved that relationship.
Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais the creators of "The Office" should be allowed to wear steel shoes with spikes on them and be allowed to kick everyone in nuts who writes horrible movies.
They can start by kicking the writer of the movie "Hitch" square in the nuts and I hope they prevent him from being able to spawn any children.
Kevin Bisch the writer of "Hitch" made the worst chick flick movie I've ever seen. Good lord, the trailer was amazing and I was looking forward too watching this film. But, Christ, it made my ears bleed.
And how does this "Chick flick-fuck stick" get rewarded?
"Bisch pitch joins Dis family
22 June 2005 (The Hollywood Reporter)
Walt Disney Studios has bought a pitch for a family comedy from screenwriter Kevin Bisch (Hitch). The original pitch is described as a cross between Cheaper by the Dozen and The Pacifier and centers on a male protagonist in his mid-20s to late-30s"
This is exactly the kind of movie Adolf Hitler is looking for to compete in "The Helldance Film Festival" this year. Christ, does this sound like a good idea to any of you reading this blog? "Cheaper by the Dozen" meets "The Pacifier" but with a young hip cast? Fuck!
Serious, it's not going to be a piece of shit, it's going to be piece of "Bisch." That's like twice-baked potatoes, "Bisch" is now my term for "twice-baked shit". Congrats dude, I've never met you, but you "suck". I'm sure you have more money than me, but I can at least look my children in the eyes and say "Daddy, won't sell his soul and let the mouse pull a "Kobe" on his script."
By the way thanks to magic rat for "Kruks New Groove" the sequel to "The Emperor's New Groove". I'm so glad I spent $20.00 on this "pure-recycled-unoriginal-uninspired-piece-of-shit" movie. I think this film is a shoe-in at "Helldance” to win the "Mac-N-Me" award. The grand prize for making a horrible, unoriginal, movie.
However, "Yours, Mine and Ours" is a real fan favorite.
And I don't even want to hear shit from the parents who say, "I only allow my child to watch cartoons on PBS."
Have you seen "Caillou?"
What the fuck is this bald-thinner-stretched-out-Charlie Brown-cancer-looking-patient- that whines-like-a-little "fuck" doing on public television?
Christ, it makes you long for "Barney" that's how bad this fucking show is!
So, really I have nothing new to write about "Gamers"
However, go out and purchase the BBC version of "The Office" on DVD and remember each time you purchase a Disney DVD that's a sequel, that's not from Pixar, an angel gets "Bisched" on.
posted @ 11:50 AM PDT [link] [Karma: 1 (+/-)]
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
MOVIEmeter and other stuff by Christopher Folino
Hello reader of the blog,
I'll just jump right into my blog today about the IMDB MOVIEmeter ranking!
"Gamers" is ranked on IMDB MOVIEmeter at 7,711, up a couple hundred from last week.
Not bad for a movie with no distributor, no love, or even an ugly girl's phone number for a date.
However, just when you want to feel good, I had to click and see how other "great" films are ranked! Well, "Weekend at Bernie's" is listed at 3787 and staying of the Andrew McCarthy movie kick "Class" is ranked 5,045.
Come on people! Help us to bet the ranking for "Class", it's personal now.
Go onto IMDB and click on "Gamers 2006", spend some time looking at the fine photos of the cast and click on some links! Make "Gamers 2006" your charity this year; screw the Lance Armstrong cancer band thingy! Come on; go spread your charity where it can really matter! On IMDB for "Gamers 2006"
Props to Joe Nieves who plays Fernando in our movie for being ranked 29,321 in the STARmeter and for also appearing in last weeks "TV Guide" in an article about bartenders! Joe plays Carl in the hit CBS comedy show "How I met your Mother"
And for all those who would like to see Joe dry hump a woman! Go rent or buy off EBAY the video "Women: Stories of Passion" Episode "The Gigolo" (#1.8) 1997
And for those of you who would like to see Joe "dry shake" a horse, you can click on our media clip.
No matter where you start in life Joe, people will continue to "type cast" you!
Random thoughts and answers
MOVIE POSTER for "Gamers"
It's so close, it's so really cool, it's so not ready yet. It's so going to make a nice t-shirt.
MOVIE NEWS for "Gamers"
We are set to do some new scenes this week for the film. If you know any little African children who live in Los Angeles and don't mind pretending to be "Pagan babies", email me! Paul, one of the main four character names all his DND characters after the real Pagan babies he sponsors. We though it would be a nice touch to show the kids he supports in Africa. It will be done with great respect and taste...kind of.
FESTIVAL NEWS for "Gamers"
Not a word, not a single word. Well, "Fuck" comes to mind.
I watched "Good Will Hunting" the other night. God damn that is a movie! Matt Damon and Ben Affleck can write. I love this film, it's even better years later. Then I caught five minutes of "Surviving Christmas" and I got to thinking, can’t Ben Affleck just take it upon himself and re-write all his lines and most of the other folks in the movie? Serious, what is anyone going to say to him? They won Oscars! Is the guy who wrote "Gigli" going to pop off to Affleck?
Got to go! "How do you like them apples?"
posted @ 05:58 PM PDT [link] [Karma: 4 (+/-)]
Monday, December 26, 2005
After Christmas Blog by Christopher Folino
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, my family has been sick most of the holiday and I attempted to write a "Christmas blog" that detailed every month of my life this past year and I couldn't post it. Good lord, it was too depressing, it was like a special episode of "Party of Five"
Cut to script meeting for "Party of Five"
"Okay, so far we killed the folks off in a horrible car accident...good stuff. The oldest brother has cancer, always a shoe-in for an Emmy! And the youngest sister has been kidnapped. Serious, that's true to life man, I feel uncomfortable taking my kid's even to El Monte any more! Jesus, and if your in Mexico and that shit happens, well, really how shocked can you be?”
“Okay, moving on, the other sister is on drugs! But, the kind you take for social pressure, so we can still look like “we give a shit about teenagers” and that we don't “piss off our sponsors!”
“So what's left for us to do on the show this week? Alien abduction? Let's save that one for sweeps week! Hey, what about same sex date rape? Oh, yeah! Perfect! But, let's make it happen to Scott Wolf's character! That's edgy! It would play great in Park City!”
cut back to present blog.
And to be honest why the hell would you want to read about my personal life and my struggle to not only become a director but to become a skater for the "Ice Capades?
That's right Ice Capades!
Could you imagine someone like Francis Ford Coppola leaving it all behind, to become like the guy who plays Abu, the monkey and dresses up for the “Disney Ice Capades” show of Aladdin?
"Sure, I've made all my movies the way I envisioned them, however, I had to use actors to bring my script to life and I feel only about 12.8 percent of the time that these "actors" are able to express “my vision.”
So, that's why I've turned to this new art form "on ice" where I'm able to bring new life to the character "Abu" through a mixture of fantastic "Ice moves" and “dance”.
For the first time, I'm free to move as much as I can in a forty pound costume. It's a little bit of heaven right here on earth at the Pico Rivera Swap Meet/outdoor Ice theater show this weekend with shows going on three times a day! And I got moves bitches! I can do a triple axel rose! Yeah, that's a real ice skating terms...bitch!"
I'm not sure if Francis Ford Coppola uses the word "bitches", but it would be cool to imagine he does!
"Yo, bitches!” I need ya'll to stop mumbling your "God damn lines!" Understood Al? And you Mr. "mumbles" Brando? Yeah, that's not acting! You sound like a “stroke victim masturbating!” What? Oh, look, I offended you “bitches” with that comment? Well Papa of Superman, why don't you send an “Indian woman” to my dresser to protest? And you know what? Just because a person has a stroke, doesn't mean he's going to give up masturbation! But, I'm off track here! You sound like a stroke victim, speak clearly or I'll cut your ass out my movie you "bitches!"
Yeah, “bitches” that's what I said! Oh, Okay, be little “bitches” now and run off and cry to Duvall, I'll “skull suck” you all I swear to God!"
Wow, look at the way this blog is shaping us so far! You're still reading huh? You poor bastard!
I'm not sure what "Skull suck" is, however, I didn't want to go with the obvious "Skull Fuck!".
So, 2005 was wonderful in welcoming two new twin boys 10 weeks early to our family and the fact my wife didn't kill me.
That is how I measure the success of each year. “Did the wife kill me? Not this year. I was sure this would be the year! I kind of destroyed our house for the movie, missed about 97.5 percent of her stay in the hospital after the pregnancy and spent the money on the mini-van to pay off SAG for the movie! And I gained weight also and expanded my cursing to include more "edgy racial slurs!" ! I was a real “catch” in 2005!
However, I’m still alive! Yes! I still have a few days left of 2005, so she could always be waiting!
I could go on about my daughter and my family for the rest of the blog!
My daughter is almost five and she’s pretty smart. The only area I think she can improve on is “knowing when her parents lie to her”. For example, I find it hard to believe that she hasn’t questioned my wife on the lie about how “daddy sees Santa Claus every day while driving to work” and we talk.
What the hell? I’m in my Honda and what does Santa do? Does he pulls up next to me on a reindeer or a Volvo?
The whole thought of this really bugs me, because, my folks lied to me about Santa also and when my church group had Santa come visit I was outside to say “goodbye” to him and that’s when I learned “Santa wasn’t real!”
Because at my lovely school in El Monte, CA, Santa car got his car stolen and Santa started cursing like “Francis Ford Coppola!”
And the sad part was that Santa was driving a Pinto. Who the “hell” would still Santa’s Pinto? It was heart breaking and humorous at the same time, kind of like losing your virginity!
Enough family for now, However, 2005 was the year of shooting on 35MM twice!
Yes, after 20 years of dreaming of making a production on film, I got to do it two times and with some incredible people.
And that story will be saved for the next blog!
posted @ 12:02 PM PDT [link] [Karma: -1 (+/-)]