Saturday, November 12, 2005Scott Allen Rinker's part as Paul in "Gamers" has been digitally replaced with "Jar Jar Binks as Paul by Chris FolinoNewbury Park, CA, --(Business Wire)--November 13th, 2005 --Sideshow Production and the creator of Jar Jar Binks and the Star Wars Holiday Special announced an exciting new casting change with the help of ILM as actor and sometimes participant of sobriety Scott Allen Rinker will be digitally replaced by Jar Jar Binks. Sideshow Production hopes this will attract the few separatist Star Wars fans that actually like Jar Jar. "Given the popularity of Jar Jar Binks by like three people, we thought this would help increase distributors awareness and give us that extra edge we were looking for to market the film." said Christopher Folino, writer/director of Gamers, who further addressed the major cost changes and the five year delay in now finishing the movie. "Sure, it's adding like three million dollar to our budget and years in delaying the project, but you know what? When an actor talks shit about you in your own blog and then gets the name of your high school wrong! It's go-time! For the record, I went to Bishop Amat High School in La Puente Mr. Rinker! Home of the Lancers! Pat Haden's Alma Mater, bitch!" Sure the rest of the article is 100 percent accurate! But, the hell if I'll let Newbury High School take pride in educating my uneducated ass!" Scott Allen Rinker who gave an award winning performance in the movie "Gamers" was unavailable for comment. There are reports that a drunken man has stolen the "Goodyear Blimp" and is traveling north bound on the 405 freeway peeing from the blimp. About Gamers A comedy about the lives of four hapless friends (and one obsessive interloper) and they evolve over a 23-year span. It centers on a single day when they are about to break a world record for hours spent role-playing a game called DND, or Demons, Nymphs, and Dragons. About Scott Allen Rinker His wife is much funnier than him. Scott appears on "Charmed" this Sunday night. He plays a demon...oh what a stretch! About Jar Jar Binks He still continues to suck About Christopher Folino He graduated from Bishop Amat High School...bitch! And according to IMDB, he doesn’t exist. CONTACT: Sideshow Production info@gamers-themovie.com (Media Relations) SOURCE: Sideshow Production posted @ 08:45 AM PDT [link] [Karma: 0 (+/-)] "Chris Folino's dark past" by Scott Allen Rinker Wow. I’m in a state of total wow, right now, having just read Chris’ blog. People have been calling me from all over (even as far as Santa Clarita) saying, “Dude, can you believe what Chris wrote? He totally donkey punched you in his blog.” So, I guess it’s time this little story came to light. I wanted to save it for the week before his first festival but my hand has been forced. In doing my research for the film, I stumbled across this news article from 1986 that puts Mr. Folino in a whole new light. And explains a lot about the strangeness of this production. From the Ventura Times Dispatch June 21, 1986 Youth Arrested in Sexual Witchcraft Case By Hugh Jwong A Newbury Park youth was arrested today after what police are calling the largest manhunt in Agoura history. Chief of Police Mike Hunt said, “After a search that lasted more than 20 minutes we’ve caught this bastard. Ventura County can sleep easier tonight knowing we’ll be prosecuting him to the fullest extent of the law. I don’t care that he’s 15 or 90, no one practices sexual Satanism in my town.” The youth, Christopher Peter Folino (18) was taken to the county courthouse pending arraignment on charges of sexual deviancy, public nudity, contributing the delinquency of a minor (known only as Kevin S.), bestiality, sodomy, and “pretty much whatever else we can charge the dimwit with.” said Chief Hunt. The incident began when residents of Newbury Park began placing 911 calls, claiming to have heard a murder taking place at 9221 Gaylord Lane. Police responded within the hour and, citing probable cause, entered the residence upon hearing someone in the garage scream, “Yes! Do me like an orc!” They encountered a scene, “straight outta some sick porn film,” says Patrolman Richard Weed. “The place was covered in all this strange writing. I mean, really freaky symbols and alien looking stuff, like ancient Greek or something. There were candles burning all over the place and a dry ice machine hooked up to the refrigerator. It musta been 120 degrees in there, like Hell, you know?” When asked to elaborate, he added, “The walls were covered with these faggoty band posters of Culture Club and Wham. It’s a sight I’m gonna have trouble getting rid of. It was in the center of the room that we found them, and…” Patrolman Weed chokes up, “The young skinny one was trussed up like a damn thanksgiving turkey and hanging from the garage door opener. He was covered in Crisco and ladies lipstick, and was being sexually assaulted by the larger one (Folino). He was naked and covered in what smelled like cat (feces) and had leaves and twigs twisted into his hair and stuff. He was yelling, ‘who’s your orc daddy? Who’s your orc daddy?’ Veteran officer, Phil Iskrak, said, “When we burst in, Folino must have cast some kinda spell or something ‘cause there was a flash of light and this big puff of smoke and when it cleared, he’d run off. Oh, and there was a dancing midget in the corner, I think, but no one else seems to have seen him.” The police searched the surrounding woods and neighborhood and finally discovered Folino attempting to hide in a little girl’s Smurf Village Playhouse. Iskrak described the encounter. “When we approached, he jumped up and started waving his arms about and hopping from foot to foot screaming, ‘Magor will protect me, Magor will protect me!’ So we shot him with the Taser. His last words before he fell over were, ‘Don’t call my mom.’” Folino’s attorney, Harry Bajyna from the Public Defenders Office, says this was all a sad mistake and that the youths were simply, “engaged in a role-playing game called ‘Orcs and Virgins’ and our defense will show this to be another case of law enforcement overreacting to situations.” “I don’t know about the role-playing nonsense,” said Chief Hunt, “but I will say this, he’s a freak. Decent people shouldn’t have to live near weirdos like that. And do you have any idea how many cats you’d have to squeeze to get enough (feces) to cover a boy that big. It’s just downright sick.” So there you have it, folks, in all its troubling truth. I couldn’t find out what came of the court case since the records are sealed, but you now know what we went through on this shoot. I probably should have realized something was off when, at the audition, Chris asked me, “Have you ever seen a clown naked?” Oh, and Kevin, I’m sorry to bring all this back out into the open but our readers deserve answers. So be a man for once and admit what happened to you. In the immortal words of G.I. Joe, “Knowing is half the battle,” my friend. posted @ 08:15 PM PDT [link] Friday, November 11, 2005Scott Allen Rinker will Charm you this weekend by Chris FolinoOn November 13th, at 8PM on the WB, please watch "Charmed" because it will feature one of our boys! Scott Allen Rinker will be a guest star and he'll play a demon named Sollal. Playing a demon isn’t too much of a stretch for Scott. He was a total ass on the set of "Gamers". Talk about bastards who'd show up drunk on the set at 5AM. He started yelling at John Heard, "Hey! When you were shooting 'Home Alone 2', did you want to kill yourself?” Scott would not let up with Mr. Heard. It was very awkward. Scott started yelling, “And who the fuck is shorter, Pesci or Macaulay?” or “Did Pesci go up to Culkin and tell him to 'Dance Spider'? That's what I would've fucking done! That would have made that fucking movie watchable!" Very embarrassing shit but no, Scott the drunk didn't stop there. He approached Beverly D'Angelo and Kelly LeBrock and berated both of them on the set. "Okay, which one of you gave it up to Anthony Michael Hall? Come on-- Was it you, Bev? Did you do your movie son? That's so gross! Or was it you, Kelly? Did the 'Woman in Red' get a little “Weird” on him?” We did everything we could to control Scott who also walked around naked on the movie set and would yell “Love the monkey! Who wants to love my monkey?” Scott tried talking shit to William Katt, but Bill let him wear the "Greatest American Hero" outfit and Scott was all happy. Sadly, Scott pissed inside the costume. Yeah, believe it or not, Scott's got a small bladder. Well, I hope Scott has sobered up some, and on Sunday I'd like all seven of you who read this blog to go and watch "Charmed". Let's freak out the WB and make it the highest rated show ever! Show them the power of the fan support of "Gamers"--yes, the movie that nobody has seen and the movie that, according to “IMDB”, has no director or writer! All I have is this blog. posted @ 10:03 AM PDT [link] Thursday, November 10, 2005IMDB and my top answers for Gen ConGood Thursday morning to the six folks who read this blog...sometimes. Yo Cristina Mari, Jim, Grace, and Rob the "For Fuck Sake" Fob. Antioch rules! Yeah, boy! Please tell Vern he is my hero and Rorie is smoking hot. And thanks to Galen and his wife/actress Brandy for reading the blog every day...stoned at work! I kid, I kid! I mean drunk, really f-ing drunk. So, the movie is now listed on IMDB under Gamers 2006! However, it only has certain members of the cast and crew. Sadly, it's still missing a lot of names. Very important names like Fernando Velloso, Dave Colacioppo, Kevin Sherwood, and yeah, God damn it...mine! "Oh! Look it's Gamers on IMDB! And it was directed by nobody! I knew that fucking Folino guy was making it up!" Do I need to send over a "Wand of Blow Jobs" to IMDB to get listed? The "Wand of Blow Jobs" is a line from the film, and I'm quiet proud to get as much dialog from the movie into this blog. Serious, what is there like three people who work for IMDB? I'm vain! I want to see my name up there before my 20th year high school reunion next year! In preparation for Gen Con I'm posting my answers now. 1. Yes, I played Advanced Dungeons and Dragons...for a long time...20 some odd years...Okay, 23 years...fine we changed some rules and it was ghetto D&D, but who didn’t'? My first character was a Paladin who I named Paraquat Kelly, who was a famous KMET D.J. for 94.7 In my first campaign, I had my Magic-User leading the party and Paraquat in back. Yes, I was an idiot! Even for a nine year old. I retired Paraquat Kelly at level 38 when I discovered girls. Yes, I dated. Yes, I swear to God...and yes it was a woman...Yes! Not imaginary woman either...or an elven woman....Though, I would of liked to have dated an Elf....yes, an elven Cleric with a plus three crossbow would of been hot! Serious, as long as her Charisma was 15 or higher I'm fine with it. But, if she had Psionic abilities I'd dump her ass in a second. That's such bullshit. I'd rather date a half-orc chick with a dexterity of 17. 2. Yes, I have a tattoo of the Phoenix from the Fiend Folio on my right arm! It took almost five hours to create. No, it's not girlie, I replaced the face with an Eagle, so it's cool. Okay, its cool girlie! But, let's see what other filmmaker who made a movie about "Gaming" at fucking Gen Con has a tat of any D&D monsters! That's what I thought! You're all too smart for that! 3. Yes...We maxed out credit cards and spent all the money saved up for a mini-van to make this film! Well, I guess so. What? Yes, we should of though it out more. Yeah, I suppose spending the money on creating a time machine and traveling back to 1979 and preventing George Lucas from making the Star Wars Holiday Special would have been a better legacy. And yes, I agree we could have driven over to Courtney Solomon's house and beat the crap out him as a kid and warned him to never, ever, make a movie about Dungeons and Dragons. Take care. Class of 86 kicks! Have a Bitchen Summer! I’m getting ready for my reunion next year! Go Lancers! And last but not least Merritt Hemenway for President. By the way I forgot to turn on the karma rating for yesterday's blog, so good ahead and give me negatives! It only fuels my desire to score the perfect blog. posted @ 09:21 AM PDT [link] Wednesday, November 9, 2005New offer to distributors -naming rights to my twin boys -by Chris FolinoAs we prepare for festivals and work towards selling the film, we will offer the distributor who buys the film something totally unique. Yes, the production team at “Gamers“ are known for being really poor and really "kind of" creative. So we offer this to anyone interested in buying our movie: exclusive naming rights to my twin boys. Yes, they're already born, and yes, my wife has named them, and yes, their names appear on their birth certificates AND social security cards. HOWEVER, I can easily fix that in post. I'm still calling them "Baby A" and "Baby B" Folino. So, why not this holiday season give a little and get a little more back? Like buy a comedy film that doesn't suck indie ass and get to name two boys? For example if you're from Samuel Goldwyn films, then you scored and my boys will have an almost normal life. Samuel and Goldwyn Folino, very powerful. I'm thinking of perhaps even converting them to the Jewish faith if they end up with those names. MAZELTOF! And what about Warner Independent Films? Warner Folino is cool and Independent Folino is very trendy. I'm sure Nick Cage is kicking himself in the nuts for not thinking of that name! I'm a big fan of Bravo! Bravo Folino seems very natural to me. And best of all the kid will always think he's being praised. What about RKO Folino? He could be a boxer! "Yo RKO! Go get the TKO!" And what if he boxed in Tokyo! Now, I'm entering "Full House" cuteness on my fucking blog and I'll have none of that shit. Other favorite naming opportunities? Brainstorm Media -I'd have one kid named Brain Folino and the other Storm Folino. I see an X-Men movie for them in the near future. And how about Slamdance Media Group, LLC, a personal favorite if you're from Park City, Utah. Slamdance Folino? It's very cutting edge, just like the movie we made! Wow, who would have connected those dots? And if your first name is Robert and your last name is Redford and you’re also in Park City, I'm open to the name Sundance Folino also. I'll be honest, I'm on the fence if Thurst film and Tapeworm Video Distributors want to buy the film. "Hey Tapeworm Folino, what's gotten inside of you lately?" -I don't see a good future for my one of my sons, if that's what he's going to be named. That's the blog for today and now a special message to the two people who gave me a -2 on my blog karma yesterday. You can go piss yourselves. How often can one man melt the classic "Cat in the Hat" book into an article about William Katt? Yeah, go read Rosie O'Donnell's Blog. There's a fucking gift from God! The comedy is oozing from that blog! To quote my brother-in-law Rob: “For Fuck sake!” Give me a break! Looking forward to a -3 karma rating for my blog today. I'm Chris Folino and my blog doesn't suck...that much. posted @ 09:14 AM PDT [link] Tuesday, November 8, 2005The Cat know as William Katt -By Chris FolinoThat's right we had lunch with "The Greatest American F-ing Hero" William Katt! Let me tell you this, his friends call him Bill, he let's me call him Mr. Katt. Lunch with the cat know as William Katt The sun did not shine It was too wet to play So we sat at lunch all that cold, cold, wet day. And then something went Bump "Believe it or not" it mad us jump we looked then we saw him step in on the mat we looked and we saw him The William Katt and he said to us "Have no fear" said the Katt I will not let your movie fall I will hold it up high as I stand on some gen con geeks balls with an indie Oscar one on hand and a distribution deal on my hat! But that is not all I can do said the Katt For I am also the Sundance Kid Too! -Lunch Highlights - 1. Mr. Katt asking me not to touch his leg -three times 2. Me explaining that we tried hard to reunite him with Connie Sellecca in our movie, however, Connie has found "God" and "John Tesh" . She liked our script, however, wanted us to re-write 88 pages out 90 so she would appear in it. Isn't finding "God" and finding "John Tesh" a bit too much to handle at once? That's a lot of magic for one person to handle. 3. Hearing stories on how there is an 80 million dollar script for "The Greatest American Hero" buzzing around Disney. However, somebody, who I won't name. But, has the initials S.J.C. won't give it up. Come on you bastard Cannell! (Unless you want to distribute our film, then you're a fucking genius) Give us some Ralph Hinkley and it would be nice to see Eddie from Eddie and the Cruisers again. By the way Michael, what the fuck was up with Eddie and the Cruisers II Eddie lives! Nobody died or was killed in that movie! At least in the Jason movies he killed people! So, after feeling up the leg of the "Greatest American Hero" I'm happy to say "Believe it or not" He’s a hell of a guy. Would love to work with him again, however, after this blog, I'm sure my phone number will be blocked! posted @ 08:21 AM PDT [link] [Karma: -2 (+/-)] Monday, November 7, 2005Screening with Kelly LeBrock -Not so good by Chris FolinoManuel and I went to visit Kelly LeBrock recently with the hopes of showing her the film and having her help promote the movie. The woman lives fucking far, and then far and finally fucking farther away. Go past Santa Barbara and drive an hour and half past civilization. Hell, the post-office won't deliver to her home, because she doesn't have a paved road. We come upon a dirt road that goes three miles, you pass roaming horses, and her place is so huge that if you stand on her roof, you can't see a neighbor’s house for six miles in any direction. She has a bear living on her property which is like the size of a nation forest. Well, first off she looks fantastic. We were oh so lucky to get her in our movie while she was "beefing up" for the VH1 show two months ago, now she's really thin. She's doing some celeb diet program thing with other celebs that will air in January. Well, Kelly was nice as ever until we got to her viewing room to watch the movie. She has a guy who helps keep the ranch going named Jose or something and he's in there watching the movie "The Last Sunset" with Pierce Brosnan and Salma Hayek. So, Jose is kind enough to pop our movie in, however, it doesn't work. He starts to point out how "The Last Sunset" is a real movie and it works fine, not like our movie. Kelly is starting to shout "I'm bored!" and "Nice screening" I look at the DVD player and fuck! It's like from eight years ago and made by a brand name you can really trust...Okawana or some shit. So, the fucking DVD never works, Kelly doesn't mind, she doesn't watch TV or read books. She's like a fucking cowgirl who would prefer to wrestle a bear or some out-doors shit. She takes us on a hike, lovely property. It's like mid nineties, I'm dying. She's sweating also. Yes, I almost died going back up hill. She takes us inside her house, and we have lunch. Great lunch, beef Wellington and while we are eating lunch she gets a phone call and starts shouting for joy in the French language! Her friend just walked again! The guy who is in his eighties had a stroke and the Doctor's told him he wouldn't be able to walk again. Well Kelly hooks the guy up with some hypobaric chamber procedure they use in Scuba Diving and some other treatments and the guy is calling her to thank her, he's walking again! That's right Kelly LeBrock, super model, actress, and healer. That's a hell of a resume. It was impressive; I was going to ask if she could bring my mom back from the dead, however, I thought that might have been poor manners. Well, what do you after Kelly LeBrock helps a man walk again? Celebrate! No! You show her your movie on Manuel's computer which has no power cable. The computer dies ten minutes into the screening, she's got another appointment. We say goodbye and her parting words to me...not "The movie looks good" or "Good luck" No, it's "Go lose some weight!" Yes, nothing like having the "It" girl from the eighties pump your ego up! And we are waiting back to hear if she got to watch the rest of the film or if she'll come hang with us at Gen Con. Folino oh so out. posted @ 09:48 AM PDT [link] [Karma: 0 (+/-)] Sunday, November 6, 2005"Gamers" the movie at Gen Con -by Chris FolinoMeet the cast and crew at Gen Con in Anaheim, November 18th and 19th which is a Friday and Saturday. We are in the middle of adding more names and may be showing a free "work-in-progress cut" of the film at Gen Con that won't mess with the festival rights. We will be showing new clips if we don't screen the entire movie. The room holds 175 people and we just want to have a free screening with an audience to get an idea of what scenes to cut or add for the festivals. This will be a new cut from the one we showed at the cast and crew party. GEN CON -GAME PLAN NOVEMBER 18th FRIDAY 3-4PM -Free autograph session with Kevin Kirkpatrick Dave Hanson Scott Allen Rinker More to be added Friday 4-6pm -Free screening of clips or the entire film with Q&A The actors listed above will be there for the screening SATURDAY -November 19th Free Autograph session 4-5PM Michael Bell Dave Hanson William Katt More to be added Sat 5-7pm free screening of clips or the entire film movie screening with Q&A Also make sure you stop over at the THQ booth where they will show off Titanquest and were kind enough to offer to pass out some free "Gamers" PR stuff. -Blogs you won't want to miss this week Monday -Screening the movie with Kelly LeBrock -Went and saw Kelly to show her the film with Manuel. Nice woman with an amazing house and a piece of shit DVD player! It gets better. Folino blogged out. posted @ 11:04 AM PDT [link] [Karma: 2 (+/-)] |
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