Saturday, February 4, 2006Saturday Special by Christopher Folino“Full House” actress admits meth problem –Jodie Sweetin, 24 who played Stephanie Tanner, who two years ago, was bored and unemployed, began experimenting with drugs as a way to pass the time. Thank God she didn’t do something that was totally useless like start a film festival in Utah, Berlin, Palm Springs, San Jose, Santa Barbara, Austin, and now Aspen. Locklear & Sambora Over –After 11 year of marriage, Heather Locklear, 44 and her rocker husband, Richie Sambora, 46, are calling it quits. The news gives hope to all sub par guitarists and drummer from all eighties hair bands! Sources say, the front-runner to being the next “Mr. Locklear” is the one-armed drummer from Def Leppard! We got news late last night that “Gamers” wasn’t accepted into the HBO Aspen Film Festival. This isn’t shocking news considering that the festivals like Sundance showcased the movie “Little Miss Sunshine” as an indie film. A movie with an 8 million dollar budget that stars Steve Carell and Greg Kinnear is an indie film? Fuck my fucking dead right toe! My right toe is just fine; I thought it would be a fine phrase to express my sincere frustration towards the festival circuit. Doesn’t matter, “Gamers” is funny and we are weeks away from finishing and having a giant distribution screening! We are banking of a “Full House” to attend and I’m going to invite Jodie Sweetin to bake some special treats that night! posted @ 04:11 AM PDT [link] [Karma: 8 (+/-)] Friday, February 3, 2006"Bond Girl?" by Christopher FolinoJames Bond Director Tamahori Arrested –Lee Tamahori was dressed in a black wig and an off-the shoulder dress, and approached a male undercover officer and offered to perform sex for money. You know every time I drink a little Thunderball, I go searching for some Goldfinger action! I figure You only live twice! Sometimes a man has to score some Octopussy! Otherwise you’re alone in your hotel room with just the man with the golden gun. And after hours of playing Goldeneye, with my little Moonraker, and watching it die another day. I just fall asleep until the living daylights wake me up and then I’m ready to go again with a license to kill! That was too easy. I'll kick myself in the nuts for that blog! posted @ 09:51 PM PDT [link] [Karma: 6 (+/-)] Thursday, February 2, 2006"TV/Cinema frustrations in my lifetime" by Christopher FolinoThis will be a two-part blog, the first is dedicated to my frustrations from the ages of 5 to 16 with TV and Cinema. Part two coming tomorrow. First frustrations with TV/Cinema Age 5-10 Davey & Goliath –I knew the cartoon had to suck when my Catholic grade school would let us watch it. I would dream that Goliath would stop talking retarded-like and just take a big old chunk out of Davey! For some reason I also kept praying Gumby and Pokey would cross over to this crap cartoon show and would go “Brokeback” on Davey! I wanted to taste “Clay blood” as a child! However, I was forced to see “acts of goodness” over and over again! That’s what you get when the creator consults with the church for a cartoon. Speed Racer –Other than wondering why Speed just didn’t check the trunk before each race to make sure that Spritle and Chim, Chim, weren’t hiding there, I never questioned this awesome violent piece of work! Serious Pops, just needed to put a lock on the trunk on Mach 5! Star Wars Holiday Special –No child under the age of eight should ever turn to his older brother and say “Man, this show sucks! Serious, what the hell is this crap?” My eyes still burn today Mr. Lucas, they still burn today. Remember the TV show “Emergency?” When I was a kid I thought Dr. Kelly Brackett and Captain “Henry Stanley were the same guy. It would frustrate me as a kid that some casting agent would allow this to happen, and hence ruin my viewing experience. The Cylon Centurions kill ratio on the original “Battlestar” Galactica has to be lowest ever in cinema history. At some point I was rooting for one of those bastards robots to kill any character with a gun. Hell, even a ricochet would have been fine by me! I have never seen such horrible shooting. I believed the Storm troopers from “Star Wars” sucked because at the time I thought they were human, and their helmets prohibited them from “good visual” killing. However, a robot programmed to be horrible marksmen is just a crime against evil. The Tech guy who programmed the Cylons should be kicked in the nuts. Age 10-16 Super Friends –Why the hell did the chick from the “Wonder Twins” get to be all the cool animals and her brother was always a form of water. I figured the writer had to be the same person who created those horrible “Davey and Goliath” TV shows. The Dukes of Hazzard –Sometime, in the middle of the second season I had enough, I wrote a fan letter to Boss Hogg and told him to just kill the Duke boys in cold blood. Serious, do you know how many cars you’ve lost because of them? I think the entire town would help you cover up their killings.” I never did hear back from old Boss Hogg on that letter. Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom –My mom let me skip school for this piece of crap? Before, getting your heart broken by a woman, this was the first movie that made my heart hurt! How could things go so wrong? Did the lady writer from Davey & Goliath get hired as a ghost writer? posted @ 03:22 AM PDT [link] [Karma: 2 (+/-)] Tuesday, January 31, 2006Tuesday Observations by Christopher FolinoFebruary 10th "The Pink Panther" movie is coming out...interesting enough, it's the same day Nostradamus predicted Peter Sellers would rise from his grave and kick Steve Martin in the nuts. One kick for every sale-out movie Steve has made! Get some ice Steve, it's going to be a long day! "Ocean Thirteen" has been green lighted and you know Steven Soderbergh can release the movie at the same time in a theater, on an HD channel, and make it downloadable for all phones and ipods...however, the movie will still suck. "Big Momma's House 2" is the number one movie in America and grossed over 29 million dollars...What the hell? Did they offer free "Crack" popcorn at the movie theater? "Brokeback Mountain" got eight Oscar Nominations today...proving that a good western is Queen! Jack Bauer from "24" needs to move out of California, serious, take your bad luck, Terrorist attracting ass, drama circus to somewhere that needs a little "Indie Cleansing" like Park City, Utah. Mr. Bauer, please destroy all the gift bags at Sundance! Was Eddie Murphy's punishment for doing the same exact voice for Mushu in "Mulan" as he did for Donkey in the "Shrek movies having to also make ""The Adventures of Pluto Nash", "The Haunted Mansion" and "Daddy Day Care?" President Bush made his state of the union address...Meanwhile, Osama Bin Laden watched a repeat of "Friends" from his cave that has Direct-TV, an XBOX 360 and a sushi chef! President Bush said "America is addicted to oil" from the Middle East and must break its dependence." Wow, that's like McDonald's trying to get Ronald to now be the poster child for fitness! And finally, A ten year old Indian boy named Kishan, is making his directing debut with a $170,000 budget for a 135-minute film produced by Kishan's mother, Shailaja, herself a movie music director. What the hell? This kid got more money than us to make his movie and I'm sure he's a shoe-in to get into Sundance. When I was ten, my parents bought me an Atari 2600 and some baseball cards. They didn't give me a $170,000 to make an art house movie! Man, I hate my parents now! Serious, this kid's parents need to be kicked in the nuts and so does everyone who went to go see "Big Mamma's House 2" I don't know which is worse! posted @ 08:21 PM PDT [link] [Karma: 3 (+/-)] Monday, January 30, 2006"Tonight" by Christopher Folino“time is never time at all you can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth and our lives are forever changed we will never be the same the more you change the less you feel believe, believe in me, believe that life can change, that you're not stuck in vain we're not the same, we're different tonight tonight, so bright tonight” Sometimes you got to start a blog off with some Billy Corgan from the Smashing Pumpkins. I remember when I was seventeen I begged my mom to sign the waiver form for our public access station in El Monte, CA so I could use the TV camera and then I was able to make my first short movie. It was called “Candid Terror” and basically we followed this kid while he waited for a school bus and this killer clown kept killing people off. Finally, it’s revealed that all the deaths were faked and the kids on a new reality TV show called “Candid Terror” It was five minutes long but my two oldest brothers helped me edit and shoot and now almost twenty years later it’s still the same. My dad was in the film, but I cut him out! And that was the start of getting friends and family to help out. There was just something perfect with all the chaos going on and the energy on any set and figuring out how where the hell the camera should go and how much the actor should let go. Over the years, the projects got better and now we got a real film with real actors. So it all comes down to “Gamers”. We got kids now, and time is precious man. So to us, it’s three seconds left on the clock, and we are down by two points and you got to throw up a three shooter to win. However, the amazing fact is that we got ourselves into the “game” and we are taking the shot at the buzzer. We didn’t do the movie to get famous. We did it to prove to ourselves that we could do it. I’m not going to lie, fame and money would be lovely! To afford a full time babysitter is rich to me! And the scenes we are adding to the film weren’t done to impress a distributor. Shit no, it’s to make us laugh and our friends. So, to all the folks who have ever helped us with any of the movies, “Gamers” is the shot into the film industry. However, it’s our first film. Not our only one. Someday, even if “Gamers” doesn’t find love in distribution, it will help pave the way for another shot at being in the game. And the next time, we won’t need to sink a three pointer. posted @ 07:55 PM PDT [link] [Karma: 4 (+/-)] Sunday, January 29, 2006Sunday “Huge Blog” by Christopher FolinoNow, one of my favorite things to do on the blog, which is to check and see what our IMDB MOVIEmeter ranking is for “Gamers”. Sadly it’s going the wrong direction, which is up at 5919. Honest to God, we are sandwiched between “Kiss of the Spider Woman” and a movie called “Vulgar”. Thank God we are kicking “Fat Actress” ass at 5928 and “The Mug Root Beer Dana Carvey Show” at 5932. Checking on individual STARmeter ranking, I’m at 79,116 a big move from 100,052 last week. The only explanation I have for this jump is that I placed a link on Kevin Kirkpatrick’s crotch on our web site to my IMDB page. I will change the link to the “Gamers” website, I’d rather have the movie ranked lower! Kevin Kirkpatrick is ranked 36,101,which is lower than normal for the boy. Joe Nieves makes a huge jump from 32,611 down to 17,933. I guess his guest stint on our blog and showing his girlie side really made him enduring to IMDB. What else is new? Yes, sadly we got our 7th festival rejection and this one came from SXSW in Austin, Texas. That’s okay, you have to protest a college and a city that allowed “Man of the House” to be filmed there. So let’s review shall we, No love for “Gamers” in Utah, Santa Barbara, Palm Springs, San Jose, Germany, and Texas! Serious, the only place interested in the movie is Israel. I guess living in Israel you have to a sense of humor now with Hamas winning the Palestinian Government. I swear if the invite holds up, I’m going! You know getting kicked in the nuts for a seventh time feels as lovely as the first. We have two more festivals left, which is the Seattle film festival and the HBO Comedy Aspen festival. What are the odds you ask? And finally I made my IPOD too manly and I needed to add something other than ACDC and Ozzy on it. So here now our five guilty non-manly songs I have placed on my IPOD. Mock me, tease me, I don’t care! I at least have proof that two of my three children look like me! 1. REO SPEEDWAGON “Take it on the run” –Call me Christy, I likie 2. VAL KILMER –“Skeet Surfing” –Anything from “Top Secret” makes me cool 3. KENNY LOGGINS with STEVE PERRY- “Don’t Fight it” –I don’t even try to fight it, I embrace it 4. Erasure –“A little Respect” –I downloaded in honor of all the rejections from the film festival 5. Dan Hill –“When we touch” –I have no excuse, I’ll kick myself in the nuts for having this on my IPOD while I sing a long in a very dramatic way. That’s all for today, I got to go and listen to my cool tunes. posted @ 12:10 PM PDT [link] [Karma: 3 (+/-)] |
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