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02/13/2006: "Headlines by Christopher Folino"

Cheney accidentally shoots fellow hunter –Corpus Christi, Texas –Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a hunting companion during a weekend quail hunting trip after the man went to retrieve a bird and Cheney failed to spot him commented.

The Vice President who is the former CEO of Halliburton was quoted as saying “If he dies I will take full responsibility. I was raised to eat whatever I kill and I’m prepared to eat my friend if he doesn’t pull through.
Hell, I tried to get the military to adapt my same philosophy, I believe if more soldiers ate their kills in Iraq, then we could keep the death toll down a bit and calm the nerves of the entire nation. Christ, when I went to visit the troops last Christmas, I must of eaten three whole insurgents by myself!”

Dominic Monaghan and Evangeline Lilly the stars from Lost will wed in Hawaii when the series wraps this spring. Dominic who plays heroin-addicted rock start Charlie and Evangeline plays fugitive Kate on the hit series “Lost”

Somewhere deep in the shire, a very drunk and confused hobbit named Merry is crying on “Sam the Kind’s lap over the news that Pippen is straight.

AIDS test for Charlie Sheen’s wife.

Denise Richards has taken an AIDS test because she’s convinced that her soon-to-be-ex-husband Charlie Sheen has been cheating on her with hookers.

Charlie Sheen’s publicist shot back in the actor’s defense “Please, this isn’t Emillo Estevez, Charlie pays top money to make sure that the hookers he sleeps with, at least promise him they’re clean! Why would a girl with a name like “Chastity”, “Kisses” and “Amber” lie to Charlie Sheen?” Nobody lies to the Sheenman, not even Martin!

Redford says: “Sundance is getting out of control!”
Robert Redford fears that some celebrities have begun turning up for the parties and gift bags instead of the watching the films.

Perhaps maybe if “Sundance” showed some indie films instead of studio movies that suck, people would go Bob.

Clooney’s Award Fiasco –Oscar nominee George Clooney was left red-faced when an award he received fell apart during his acceptance speech at the Santa Barbara International Film Festival. After the stars sincere acceptance speech, he held the prize over his head only for the flimsy accolade to break into two piece and fall to the floor.

That’s what you get Santa Barbara for rejecting “Gamers” in the very last round you art house fucks.

And finally proving there is no “God” or “Hope” in this world the new “Pink Panther” movie grossed over 21.7 million dollars at the box office. Perhaps if we could ask The Vice President to take you all out as his guests on his next “Redneck Rampage”