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01/17/2006: "The Golden Globes"

Hello everyone. This is Joe Nieves, and I will be attempting to write blogs. I get an easy subject tonight as the Golden Globes were on this evening. Sadly, Gamers was not nominated for anything. But since we weren't released anywhere yet we will be able to be nominated next year. I ask you to consider my performance as "Fernando" for best supporting actor in a comedy or musical. About that category- That is the most ridiculous category ever. I would have loved to see films like "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and "Wedding Crashers" as they are indeed comedies in every sense of the word and these hilarious films and outstanding comedic performances will never be recognized by the so-called comedy category. What are films like "The Squid and the Whale", "Walk the Line", and "The Family Stone" doing here? Walk the Line is NOT a musical. It has music IN IT but it is not a musical. The Producers is a musical, Chorus Line is a musical, Chicago-musical. Not Ray, not Walk the Line. The Squid and the Whale is not a comedy, Family Stone is the furthest thing from a comedy- There is someone dying of cancer in that movie- NOT VERY FUNNY. Caddyshack, Fletch, The Jerk, Gamers- these are comedies. Please someone fix this category.
On to my next piece of business- Brokeback fucking Mountain! That's right I saw it. AND I liked it a lot. I'm 6'3 200lbs, Puerto Rican-Italian from Brooklyn and I LOOOOOVVVVVEEEEDDDD Brokeback Mountain, so stick that up your ass and chew on it. It was actually really awkward and kind of painful when the movie started but as it went on for a little while I loosened up a lot and began to enjoy it. There was a little blood when it was finished but I really enjoyed it (Okay that was a vulgar joke but I'm just trying to keep up with my blog predecessors here). As far as Ledger not winning the award I would have to agree with that as even though all of the performances in the film were spectacular, I don't feel as though he carried the full load of the film whereas Hoffman was without a doubt the lead in Capote and a fantastic one at that. By the way both Anne Hathaway and Michelle Williams show there boobs in this film so take that you homophobic straight guys who didn't see the film. You missed lovely wonderful boobies.
Felicity Huffman had to win because she played a man (obvious Gold Globe/Oscar role). It's like playing a mentally challenged person, holocaust victim, wrongly imprisoned person, or a drug addict. Witherspoon and Phoenix were the obvious choices because it's chic to play a former drug addict, dead, famous musician and his significant other. Rachel Weisz- who knows. I didn't even know there was a movie named "The Constant Gardner". Clooney won because he's the coolest man in the world. Memoirs of a Geisha won the all important original score globe because John Williams did it and he always wins. I am very happy that Hugh Laurie of "House" won because he is a fucking unbelievable actor and in my opinion the best on TV. I'm thrilled that the one non-desperate housewife, Mary Louise Parker won the TV actress comedy thing because I can't stand the Housewife show (See, I can still be a guy even though I saw Brokeback). Piven should have won but I guess you can never be mad when Newman wins because he was the coolest guy in the world way befor Clooney ever was.
Okay, that's all for now. Hopefully this wasn't a terrible blog. Maybe I'll be allowed to write more tomorrow. Untill then- Seacrest Out.