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12/13/2005: "No Palm or Spring for "Gamers" by Christopher Folino"

Last night, we got an email rejection from the Palm Springs Film Festival.
However, they were kind enough to include a fifteen-percent discount
coupon for one senior citizen to any Denny's restaurant to help ease the
pain. I look forward to using that coupon in about thirty more years.

For those keeping score, that's three rejections to film festivals so far.
To date I believe we have entered the film into six other festivals and are
awaiting word.

In honor of the rejection, I will be betting all $429 we earned last Sunday
on gambling football games in order to pay for the entry fees to all the
film festivals! It appears, I will call upon my total luck with picking the
winners, one more time! We shall get into a film festival so help me
"Kahnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"

We've been talking with a former film festival director who is starting to
work with us as a consultant and he told us we had "no shot" at getting into
the Palm Springs Film Festival and that are chances of getting into the
Berlin Film Festival are "pretty close to hopeless." He openly laughed at
us when we told him we entered the Palm Springs Film Festival, because they
pick mostly foreign movies and the average audience there is at the young
age of seventy.

However, we would never have known unless we tried and that's what we will
continue to do. I didn't max out my credit cards, suffer property damage by
shooting in my own house, miss the critical hours of our twins in the NICU,
and leave the wife in the hospital for nothing!

We have eight distributors we can call tomorrow and have them view the film.
The game plan was to simply get into a festival, invite as many distributors
as possible to see the film with an audience and take the best offer. We
have total confidence that the film plays well with a large audience and we
want to see this film play in a theater instead of being Direct-To-DVD.

We know we have an audience for the movie and they're males from the age of
seventeen to thirty-seven. If you like "Family Guy" or "Airplane" or any
comedy with a bit of a bite, than you'll like our movie.

I have no desire to see "Brokeback Mountain for a fourth time, I will wait until it's on DVD,
so I can rewind all those tender cowmen-on-cowboy scenes!
Serious, I have no desire to see the film and I have to give Ben props for
coming up with "Brokeback Mountain" for a fourth time line."
However, I rushed out and got that "Stewie Family Guy" movie the very second
it came out and baby "Stewie" is so very gay; it's not even funny. It's just
that I don't want to see any love story at all in the movie theater. Even if
"Brokeback Mountain" stared Jon Voight's super seed "Angelina Jolie" and a
"Playmate", I don't give a shit about watching any love story. I'm not
programmed for that kind of movie, it bores me.
I love "Die Hard", "Reservoir Dogs", "Chris Rock", "Spinal Tap", "Curb Your
Enthusiasm", "The Office (both BBC and America), "The Family Guy", "The
Longest Day" and the first part of "Saving Private Ryan" and sadly, since
I'm in video production for some reason I can't watch porn shot on video,
the bad lighting and horrible camera angels freak me out.
I'm a freak, that's fine, I have freak friends who all worked on this film
and we know there are more freaks out there! I promise you that "Gamers" is
a freaking good time and that Freaks will inherit the earth!