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11/18/2005: "FRIDAY BLOG -By Chris Folino"

How the hell is it possible that Dave Hanson and Kevin Sherwood don't have
an agent? What kind of town is this?

To be honest the actor's agents I've dealt with have been mostly fake monkey
ass bitches! I have met some nice agents for actors like John Heard's agent
and Michael Bell's guy is nice. However, Jay Mohr's agent should be working
at McDonalds learning a little thing called "fucking humility." And hello to
Jarad Paul's agent! Maybe after this film hits big, you'll return a fucking
phone call on time.

Of course, if the film doesn't do anything both Jay's agents and Jarad's
agents will look really smart. However, that won't happen. you can't stop
destiny or the fact that neither one of those agents are "smart people".

So, Dave Hanson who plays Reese in our movie works as a doorman at the
Improv. That's a fucking crime against humanity. It ranks right up there
with the fact the TV show "It's a Small Wonder" or the movie "Mac and Me"
ever got made.

By the way this Saturday at 10PM, Dave Hanson will be performing stand-up at
the Improv. Go see him, he's a "fucking" funny guy and if you're an agent
and you sign him up I will personally place you in the opening credits of
our movie. Right, before "Directed by" You'll get your name in the credits!
Offer expires this Saturday at 12AM.


And what about signing up Kevin Sherwood? Jesus Christ! Isn't the "Wake up
Dick" and the "Wizard's robe" scene reason enough to sign him? What does he
have to do? Just because Kevin Sherwood isn't listed on IMDB! Well, really
who is?

I don't know who's more responsive? SAG for Indie filmmakers? IMDB? Or my
dead mother? I'm going with my dead mother; I have a better chance of her
returning a call or an email before SAG or IMDB. I do have hope for SAG now
that Michael Bell is involved! However, making an ultra-low indie film with
SAG in less than 7 days is fucked up. You have to pay 100 percent the
actor's fees up-front, that they place in a bond that you can't touch or use
to pay off the actors. It's like a large security deposit of over $20K. Now,
who the fuck has that kind of money when you're making an ultra-low indie
film? It's lame! And what's worse is if you get a SAG rep like we had! She
was rude, she never returned phone calls, and she even let our producer sit
in the fucking SAG lobby for 8 hours after she lied to us about getting our
money back. We had to sick Michael Bell on her and that's how we got our
deposit back.

And it's a crime that Kevin Kirkpatrick, Scott Allen Rinker, Meredith Zealy,
Joe Nieves, Ben Messmer and Niko Posey don't have lead parts in a TV series
or more featured film.

Wow, do I sound like a little "bitch" today or what?

NEW NEWS

We shot some new scenes for the movie and I want share some highlights.

I found out Dave "Hollywood" Hanson the actor has a breaking point when it
comes to comedy. "Hollywood" Hanson, refused to do a scene the way I, the
director envisioned it. Hanson felt the comedy was too crude and wouldn't
fit in with the rest of the film. I pointed out the "Horse Juice Scene" as
an example of type of humor it was. However, it was like talking to our SAG
rep, Hanson was non-responsive.

What actor wouldn't want to pretend to suck the breast of his first cousin
who happens to be a cross dresser? And when he gets off the nipple, he has
milk around his mouth and says, "Your lactating, that's so hot!

No, I couldn't get "Hollywood" Hanson to do that.

However, Ben Messmer was totally game to do a scene much worse!

This scene is fucked up! There's an old man in front of Ben, suddenly, an
elderly woman approaches the old man and see's the marking of the serial numbers the
German's gave him at a concentration camp. The woman recognizes the markings
and they both realize they are childhood friends who haven't seen each other
in forty years. A touching scene, that goes horrible, as the security camera
picks up Ben's character "freaking out" because, it appears to him that
woman has cut in front of him at the DMV line!

I wanted to be sensitive with the actors and make sure they were all on
board with the scene. Everybody understood, that Ben's character is such an
idiot that he would freak out, even if two holocaust survivors found each
other after forty years.

So, Ben and I are outside the room and I ask him "Are you Jewish? Are you
okay with the scene? Do you think it's too offensive?"
Ben smiles slowly and states "I'm German!" and then rolls his head back and
let's out a demented laugh that lasts a little too long.

It's nice to know, I'll have a roommate in hell.

Folino done, took the day off of work to go down to Gen Con in Anaheim!
Go look us up at the convention; it's going to be kick ass day!