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11/13/2005: ""Blog Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" by Scott (not Jar Jar) Rinker"

A Short Time Ago, in a suburb far, far away… from pretty much anything recognizable as civilization, a small man had a vision. (well, small in mind, if not in stature)

His name was Christopher Folino.

His vision was to create a film that would rock the entertainment world to its core.

He wrote a script based on his life as a gaming dork. In it he put all the pain and misery and mistreatment he’d suffered at the hands of non-believers since childhood. He twisted that pain into something glorious, something magical, in short, something TRANSCENDENT.

He begged and pleaded with his friends from work to help him accomplish this goal. He hired actors to bring his words to life, and this they did BRILLIANTLY, despite being paid in food stamps and Chicklets.

He found a crew to make the technical elements flow smoothly, a director of photography to shoot it MAGNIFICENTLY, and used his own home as the prime location.

For six days in July & August these disparate elements converged to create a thing the likes of which the film world had never seen…

That film is “Gamers.”

Unfortunately, the power of creation can be a double-edged sword and in the case of Chris Folino, the dark edge of the blade bit him. Hard. Right in the ass. He became corrupt. Egomaniacal. Insufferable. His constant desire for adoration and genuflection was too much for his cast to handle and so he turned on them one by one.

His weapon? His DEADLY BLOG. With it he swiftly and surely eviscerated everyone who had lent their soul to his film. Emasculating some, crushing those who were already emasculated to begin with. It began to appear that no one could stop him. He could go on to… well rule his own private hell, really, but he’d rule it unchallenged.

Unchallenged, that is, until one actor stood up and said, “Enough! This stops now! I will not be replaced by the worst CG created character in fucking film history! I will not have my fellows reduced to sucking up to his GREATNESS, our director. I will stop him.”

Then Chris called and said one of his kids was sick and asked would I mind filling in on the blog today and possibly tomorrow. I said, sure.

So, now I feel a little shitty for having written this.

Just a little.

Lots of love to ya Chris, and all our best wishes for your son.